‘I’m a little lost’ phase

All of us have been lost or just trudged through life at some point in life. While going out to get some suits stitched with my sister, I realised she was going through that same phase that I had gone through right before I got married. It was such a lonely time. Even though I was working full time, going out exploring new places in the city and maybe even making new friends… I felt this massive void in my life. Maybe it’s the age or simply lack of a boyfriend. Most of my friends were dating at that time and that sort of rubbed in from time to time. 

It’s a strange phase really, you want to get married and yet you don’t. Because as much as you want companionship, secretly you don’t want to be dependent emotionally because you enjoy your freedom. For most of us in delhi, having a boyfriend also means going out at night (because getting raped is no fun), for movies and lunch dates. An inbox full of sweet messages especially when one gets up, planning exciting day outs and dressing up. So naturally, lack of dating leaves you somewhat empty (especially right after break up). 

So getting back to my sister. She seemed truly annoyed at life. A break up so fresh, she might as well say I’m still dating (because she’s clearly thinking about that guy 24/7). Anyone else just doesn’t match up (she has quite a fan following in her office) Parents getting pushy for shaadi. And friends getting married every other day. At least that’s what Facebook suggests. She has so many pictures of herself with beautiful bride and grooms I’m almost jealous. I mean I don’t get to attend so many cool weddings because… Maybe I don’t have that cool friends and of course there’s the dearth of my friends getting married. But that’s a different story all together. 

In hindsight, it’s really all in the mind. Now when I look back, I feel that was a great phase really. Earning bucks, spending them and just chilling. No one to take care of except oneself 🙂

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